Dear God....Our lives have been a very windy roller coaster ride since the beginning of this year. Rylee's medical conditions were diagnosed on March 20th and we are still undergoing testing and have many more paths to take, I lost my maternal grandmother to Alzheimer's on May 15th and my beloved old Rocky dog on March 13. Now I am faced with the news of my Maw Maw's(paternal grandmother) liver cancer diagnosis. She decided not to treat it aggressively and the doctors are predicting 4-5 month but it is progressing fast. My heart is very heavy and I am determined to focus on the time I left with her by making more memories, talking about the old ones and just plain soaking up her love. My Maw Maw has been my security blanket, my care taker, my personal chef, my bo bo kisser and all the wonderful things a grandmother is when you are younger. As I got older she became my confidant, my shoulder to cry on, my strength and most importantly my friend. I still cry for my maw maw when things go wrong or bad for me. I remember when Rylee was first diagnosed I told my Aunt Peggy "I sure do wish I could crawl up my Maw Maw's lap and she would make it better like she used too!" I will journal the days with my Maw Maw and the times Rylee and I spend with her for myself and for the future. It is times like these that you realize what you need in your life and what you can do without, who you choose to surround yourself with to give you strength and support when you are weak. You have to choose to focus on the things and people that are important, make every minute count, and block out the things that aren't worth it. My family is the answer to all of those. My daddy is the most amazing man and has been handling so much with his strong faith and his devotion to his family. I thank God for the man he chose to be my father and the people I call Aunts, Uncles and cousins and especially my Maw Maw. Not everyone is blessed to have a family like mine, so I count my blessings, journal to vent and pray to find comfort. That is the first memory of my childhood as a Collins....learning how to pray!
On another note we will be going to Childrens tomorrow for Rylee's stimulation test to check her hormones. She will be hooked up to an IV for approximately 4 hours and have blood drawn continuously. I report findings, but we expect to have to undergo an MRI before any diagnosis is made. As always, prayers for my baby!
God please give us strength, carry us through these troubled times and wipe away our tears to find comfort and peace knowing you will hear us... Amen.
"when you go through deep waters, I will be with you..." Isaiah 43:2.
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